T O P

If it was discovered that one animal species had actually been aliens that have been spying on Earth this entire time, what species would you expect it to be?

If it was discovered that one animal species had actually been aliens that have been spying on Earth this entire time, what species would you expect it to be?

Actuaryba

Pigeons. They are everywhere, especially in the cities. They act dumb so nobody catches on to what they are really doing.


nogoodusernames0_0

Don't be silly, pigeons aren't aliens. They are russian spies meant to poison the other countries with white venom.


Independent_Gate1634

Cockroaches. They are everywhere, and next to impossible to kill


heatmolecule

Now I'm curious why they are abandoning post-soviet states https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depopulation_of_cockroaches_in_post-Soviet_states#%3A%7E%3Atext%3DA_mass_depopulation_of_cockroaches%2CUkraine%2C_Moldova%2C_and_Belarus.?wprov=sfla1


Juking_is_rude

>Scientists from Chelyabinsk and Yekaterinburg have suggested that the Oriental cockroach should be added to the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species. I hope they're fucking threatened, we can't get rid of these things rofl, they're very annoying


Pozla

They have turned to Capitalism.


DivingForBirds

Not crabs. They have evolved at least 4 different times.


takatori

> crabs. They have evolved at least 4 different times. I did not believe you, so I looked it up, and lo and behold, [Carcinisation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carcinisation) is a thing. And it's at least *5* different times.


CatumEntanglement

Nature *really* likes making crabs. Earth is consistently desperate for a crab rave.


neohylanmay

You can't just not mention it without [linking the song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDU_Txk06tM).


CatumEntanglement

Ugh, yeah that was rude of me. 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀


ahecht

Obligatory XKCD: https://xkcd.com/2314/


DaemonTheRoguePrince

Convergent evolution: That thing that might make aliens more boring than we hope they'd be. "*sighs* Yeah, Jensen, this one has crabs too."


01kickassius10

Jensen: “Where did they catch them? Did you use protection when you were probing them?”


aevy1981

In my mind that makes them even more suspicious. There could be something different in our sea water or atmosphere from their homeland that makes them adapt and take over like an invasive species. Crabs are alien kudzu.


solidstatemasterrace

crows


drawliphant

Corvids (Magpies, Blue jays, Ravens, and Crows) all know more than than theyre letting on. Make friends with as many as you can before the Alfred Hitchcock hour. Once you've befriended a few they will let the others know so it will be easier improve relations further. Once you are offered gifts of Shine you have earned salvation!


pts026

>Corvids (Magpies, Blue jays, Ravens, and Crows) all know more than than theyre letting on. Make friends with as many as you can before the Alfred Hitchcock hour. And apparently they're decenents from dinosaurs, so these aliens have definately been spying around for a while...


Jenova66

No, the crows work for the Institute.


a_soggy_poptart15374

Damn synths


fumitsu

Damn you synths. Skyrim was fine until you came along.


Scroteastic

What is this, a crossover episode?


DeathscytheHell1994

Except Nick Valentine and Curie.


Capital-Definition28

And Paladin Danse was just kinda sad to me


Habarr94

Also Sturges.


sum_dum_fuck

Wait fucken what


Habarr94

Yeah he has no idea though so he was probably rescued by the railroad.


Sm0ke_Screen

I bet they leave the cap off the toothpaste… *disgusting*


i_like_2_travel

Wtf I just got over my Fallout 4 addiction. Now I’m questioning if I’m a synth.


NotWorriedABunch

If not crows, definitely birds.


Chickenheadjac

Ravens are the eyes of the dark one.


pnutbuttersmellytime

Wasn't expecting that here, but damn, it got me good. Tai'shar Manetheren.


PrizeArticle1

There's definitely something special going on with crows


wickedblight

Ants, they're just too advanced for insects.


Ok-Elderberry-6121

They really are, different species, cultivate fungus, shepard aphids, and enslave other ants.


wickedblight

The cells in our brains communicate with chemical signals, maybe every ant acts like one cell in their hivemind of a brain. They even know to build bridges out of their own bodies to form more efficient supply routes ffs.


GeenMachine

I somehow ended up in a YouTube rabbit hole of ant enthusiast videos. The societal structure and collectivisation of ants is truely staggering. They will unquestioningly follow what's in front of themselves during colony forraging moves to the point where they [die of exhaustion](https://youtu.be/N0HoqjxfvJ4). Add others have mentioned abyss will spontaneously donate their [bodies as bridges](https://youtu.be/4BdjxYUdJS8)- to span gaps or take seconds off of a food trail.


Ransidcheese

If you enjoyed it and you haven't seen him yet, check out AntsCanada. Dude's got a great channel.


TheRealJonSnuh

AntsCanada is the global ant leader with a sophisticated spy network. He's great.


Drakmanka

And store food in specially-bred members of their own kind! Damn but honeypot ants are weird.


QuitBSing

An ant also evolved to be a door.


Spidergorl69

Tiny hodor


spaceman757

And they get EVERY FUCKING WHERE! I live on the 5th floor of a building and I've seen ants in my flat. How the fuck is an ant getting up that high without having some super alien powers.


retrogeekhq

Taking the lift like everyone else I hope.


Swordxxxx

They go around growing in numbers by the thousands every single day across the world. Building new colonies everywhere. They are 100% alien spies. Sent here to takeover earth


PoorlyLitKiwi2

By biomass, all humans weigh a grand total of around 400 million tons, which is a lot of weight. Ants are at 3 billion, or around 10 times our biomass If they ever decide to rise up... *shudder*


tehfraginator

Obviously the platypus


cartoonassasin

The platypus is obviously the result of a transporter malfunction.


appleparkfive

Didn't people not believe they existed for a long time? Because of how ridiculous it sounded


Aussiechristian

I know someone brought one to a ruler or something as a gift. They thought they were getting pranked


uBeatch

I had to Google them when I was 28 years old because I wasn't sure if they still existed or if they were real lol


Buffthebaldy

Knew someone who was adamant that Narwhals weren't real, and that they were just fairy tale creatures. Apparently having a horn immediately makes them unreal.


Incognito_Tomato

Well they *are* the unicorns of the sea


ImmortalLuckxD

They stop cthulu from eating thee


Officer_PoopyPants

I never thought about that before, but yeah. Don't put ducks and beavers in the matter transporter at the same time Morty!


SweetClovers

I have done nothing but teleport ducks and beavers for three days.


Noctudame

This is the only answer!! Its a freaky amalgam of other animals! They obviously screwed up something


COL_Schnitzel

A platypus. *puts on alien fedora*. E.T. THE PLATYPUS!


insertstalem3me

*Perry tips fedora* M'human, grrrr


tomasves02

What an unexpected surprise! And by unexpected I mean COMPLETELY EXPECTED!


DisastrousAnomaly

That spider just chilling in the corner of your kitchen. Edit: wow, I've never had 14K people on the internet like anything I said. Thanks everyone!


Just-Call-Me-J

What about the one chilling by your shower? Hearing you sing is the highlight of its day.


criminalsunrise

I had one chilling by my shower for weeks then one day it was gone. No idea what happened to it but I miss that guy.


ptq

SD card full.


dontsuckmydick

I would have thought they’d just upload the footage to the web.


Hot_Hat_1225

Friends vanishing hurts _nodnod_


insertstalem3me

Hey, anyone can be a chef, we learned this in arachnatouille


Mikauhso

r/onewordpoetry


zombieblackbird

Dolphins


ButLikeaCoolMom

So long and thanks for all the fish!


Nice_Opinion5958

Pack your towel


DodgerWalker

Thank you! I was surprised I had to scroll this far to see this answer and reference.


wwwhistler

white mice....of course.


grimpind1

Pan Dimensional Hyper-intelligent white mice.


memyselfandI4

I agree, this is the only answer. Now where on earth is my towel?


ItHappenedToMeX3

In a locked filing cabinet in the basement behind a door marked "Beware of the leopard.


Golubyok

And dolphins are just chilling on the Earth. Because of fish.


ihitrockswithammers

Mucking about in the water having a good time. Not a *single* digital watch has been created by their culture.


grahamfreeman

And I bet they don't even use small pieces of green paper.


Golubyok

"Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on — whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man — for precisely the same reasons".


DangerousJefe

How did I have to scroll this far to see this obviously correct answer?! "These creatures you call mice you see are not quite as they appear, they are merely the protrusions into our dimension of vast, hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings."


wirewolf

'Best laid plans of mice.' 'And men' 'What?' 'Best laid plans of mice and men.' 'Oh. No, I don't think men had much to do with it.'


Sazazezer

'No, look, you’ve got it the wrong way round. It was us. We used to do the experiments on them.' 'I gather that the mice did arrange for you humans to conduct some primitively staged experiments on them just to check how much you’d really learned. To give you the odd prod in the right direction. You know the sort of thing: suddenly running down the maze the wrong way; eating the wrong bit of cheese; suddenly dropping dead of myxomatosis.'


affordable_firepower

This is the correct answer. All the other answers are mice trying to deceive us


demair21

Orca the degree to which they are curious is scary, their uncontested domination of the oceans means they have control of like 50% of the planet we can't even observe. Also, I personally reject the idea that increased intelligence leads to some form of an altruistic peace-loving disposition which would explain why Orca uses prey items they decide not to eat as toys to play volleyball with.


No_Grapefruit_520

We’re one lucky species though. Orcas, the behemoths of the sea, are just curious when it comes to humans. Not one single documented case of an orca attacking humans in the open sea (aquariums and sea world don’t count). Such majestic, dominant creatures; they could capsize medium sized boats casually and torture human victims for days if they wanted to. Instead, they just swim by at a safe distance, observing us. Often taking good care so as to not accidentally hurt us. We truly are lucky when it comes to our natural relationship with Orcas. Oh and, if you’re around orcas in the ocean, not even the biggest baddest great white sharks of the world would dare come for you. So you’d be perfectly safe, coddled up with them sea puppers.


bsbbtnh

> Oh and, if you’re around orcas in the ocean, not even the biggest baddest great white sharks of the world would dare come for you. So you’d be perfectly safe, coddled up with them sea puppers. Top secret tip. If you're ever stranded in the ocean, stick your head underwater and hum. Orca's won't know what they are hearing, and will come to investigate. Upon finding you, they'll signal their HQ, who will relay it to Sea World, who will tell Langley, which will then send a random fishing boat to 'stumble' upon your location. This is top secret, though. Don't tell anyone.


nmzuc

You had me at the first sentence.


SpoopySpydoge

Not like those dolphins, who show up just to tell you "you're all going to die"


errrbodydumb

I remember watching a documentary where 1 particular orca had learned how to hunt great white. I think they would charge into it, then hold it upside down so it would be unable to move, and then just hold it until it died. This behaviour had never been seen before. This 1 particular orca then travelled well beyond its usual territory, teaching other pods how to do it.


antim0ny

Orcas have an academic sabbatical system. Neat.


xSTSxZerglingOne

>Orcas, the behemoths of the sea, are just curious when it comes to humans. Think about it. All you see day in day out. Fins, Fins, Fins. Fins, tentacles, and occasionally a bell. Everything is dark on top, light on the bottom because that's the most advantageous coloration scheme. Almost none of the things in the ocean are intelligent. But we get in the water with our four weird limbs and weird coloring. When they swim up to look at us, what do we do? We look back. Think of how different that is as far as a reaction from everything they've ever seen. Everything either tries to swim away or has no meaningful reaction. But here's this obvious outsider looking back at you. You'd be curious too.


No_Grapefruit_520

Know who else looks back at them? Seals and penguins they mercilessly rip part and feast on. That we humans just don’t strike them as food, is sheer luck. They’re really, REALLY smart hunters. Watch videos on YT of orcas generating waves by swimming rhythmically, to throw seals off of floating ice sheets they’re sheltering on. Absolutely brutal.


AnxietyDepressedFun

There's one video out there where this Orca decides he is sick of seafood & wants poultry. So he goes to this area where a bunch of gulls are hanging out & just sort of floats some dead fish bait near them. Most of the birds are curious, a few inch closer, then one decides to just go for it & the Orca grabs him. It is terrifying & aww inspiring to live on a planet with such insanely intelligent creatures.


xSTSxZerglingOne

Oh I've seen. I think it has more to do with how strange we must look to them. Seals still sort of have fins and such.


moa711

I agree. I would think orca or some other species of dolphin. It is insane how intelligent orca are. I was watching a show on them the other day, and the guy was swimming in the water with them. I couldn't think of any other apex predator that we could swim or walk around that wouldn't attack or eat us.


cptawesome_13

and there are no recorded cases of an Orca killing a human - they try hard to endear us


odd_ddog

>there are no recorded cases of an Orca killing a human ***in the wild*** FTFY. Actually I think their penchant for murdering humans while in captivity supports the case that they're alien spies angry with the interruption in their typical spy gig.


JuneBuggington

on the contrary, seems like seaworld would be some deep cover shit


wise_comment

Or their version of a penal colony....... that's right, their very own Space Australia


xan1112

Or to put it another way, no one witnessing an Orca killing a human has ever survived to record it..


cptawesome_13

fair point


Mister_Citrus

Wombats, and their cube poops


Terpsichorean_Wombat

We are mere innocent adorable inhabitants of your southern homelands.


hyperkritikal

Rabbits, please hear me out on this. My suspicion started when I encountered one walking back from campus about two years back. I made eye contact with one for about a second before it proceeded to stand up on its hind legs and run towards me. What quadruped decides to chase after something much larger while on two fucking legs? I was scared shitless. Since that evening, I noticed so much weird behavior. For example, just two weeks ago I had 6 of them sitting on my driveway. Why?! What the fuck were they up to? I'm telling you, there is something fundamentally wrong with those creatures...


MarkToaster

I think you might just have accidentally walked into a Monty Python movie


Bwahbwah_bwah

"And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? BUNNIES! BUNNIES! It must be bunnies."


ShrapNeil

You’ve made me so happy.


Bwahbwah_bwah

Aw, I'm so pleased to hear that 😊 Have some silver fellow Buffy fan!


ravynwave

She was right all along!


spartacle

r/unexpectedbuffy


CalydorEstalon

I see obscure Buffy references, I upvote.


Happy_Nom_Nom

Maybe that's why they reproduce so quickly and have so many babies. They're trying to take over the world! Hate to break it to you but you're no longer safe. You know too much.


Canadian_Invader

Deploy the great rabbit fence!


kh7190

Yes and whenever you encounter them they stand still and just stare at you like they been caught doin something they shouldn’t


ickysam

tardigrade


savethetardigrades

I won't tolerate tardigrade slander!


Horse_Bacon_TheMovie

No really, I think they are it. Or they at least represent a alternate future where aliens are not violent colonizers, but derpy worm dudes. There must be an alien race equivalent to deer.


bugtanks33d

Octopus’s. They have almost no bones and full nervous control of every suction on every limb.


Weak_Carpenter_7060

Plus they’re extremely intelligent and have complex personalities i.e. punching fish out of spite


3pointstonibbadore

i didn’t know this. Octopus can punch a fish just because it wants to just be a dickhead?


bungle_bogs

Yep. Here is one [example.](https://youtu.be/i30b8PGsVA0). Looks like it is getting in its way, so swats it away.


Flynni123

That.. is like i am


dancingbaby2

They actually have a bunch of their neurons in their tentacles!


Memanders

Yup it’s like a “sub-brain” in every single one


Barbed_Dildo

TIL I have a complex personality.


RelapseRedditAddict

No, that's a personality complex.


caboosetp

That's a building for people, right?


CausticSofa

That would be an amazing name for a building!


Jhoosier

Is there a subreddit for Culture ship names?


alexvith

Can you blame them? I would punch those dumbass fishes as well if I lived with them.


Birdapotamus

Masters of camouflage despite not having color sensing cells in the eye. Highly intelligent and extremely strong.


Barbed_Dildo

Holy shit. Maybe we only see the ones that are *bad* at camouflage?


ApoliteTroll

Oh.. like the ninjas in the rooms we are in


LouBerryManCakes

Pfft there's no ninjas in my ro


Anonymous7056

Doesn't that mean you still pressed enter after you di


Icalasari

Nah, just professional ninja courtesy to hit send af


UserPlaysMinecraft

Man, ninjas are really considerate Wait how am I not de


Exciting-Error4848

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who immediately thought Octopus.


[deleted]

They picked a pretty stupid vantage point to spy from. "Cxluth, you seen any humans yet?" "I can't see shit, man. It's pitch black down here. Are you sure this is where they live?" "They gotta be around here somewhere. They're mostly water. Where else would they be?!"


flyingjesuit

Maybe we’re not the most interesting thing on the planet. Most of the ocean is unknown from what I understand.


Drakmanka

"There are other forms of intelligence on Earth, doctor. Only human arrogance would assume that the message *must* be meant for Man." - Spock, Star Trek: The Voyage Home


dragontattman

I seem to remember the message was for whales


Starslip

Yeah, humpback whales which had gone extinct in their time so they had to go back to the 80s to get a couple Thankfully the whales apparently said "all's well, you can go" rather than "these dickbags wiped almost all of us out"


dragontattman

I remember Scotty operating a computer when the went back in time.


kevinb275

And have fucking beaks for some reason.


significantfadge

Perhaps anything with a beak is alien. Octopus for the sea surveillance, birds for air surveillance, platypus for ground surveillance


KITTYCat0930

Definitely agree. They are extremely intelligent, they can camouflage themselves, and they can see a more diverse color spectrum.


DemocraticRepublic

Octopus's what? Don't keep me in suspense.


Bootsncatsnboo

Garden, if you believe Ringo.


YourMomsFavBook

Don’t fuck with the squirrels Morty


I_W_M_Y

We got a possible doolittle!


wickedblight

Come here little boy, we'll grant you wishes~!


lazyprocrastinator26

The situation in Argentina has proven less convenient than predicted.


LeapingLynxx

Ducks 100%. They give off the weirdest vibe.


j0n_phn0

their corkscrew penises are scary


grimalisk

most avians: *no penis* ducks: §


WrecklessNES

Cats


cyd23

my SO always make this joke with one of our cats, that her planet need her or she is receiving tasks. whenever she start acting weird.


xxfblz

iiIINnNИCC0oming message from the Big Giant Head!!!


Sevalius0

Ever notice sometimes they just stare at a spot in the corner/ceiling and they won't pay any attention to anything else? That's because they're busy communicating with the mothership.


Im_bad_with_my_name

What if the reason why cats are seen as gods in ancient Egypt is because cats were literally born from the sky. Think about it. A group of alien cats cruising around space and all of a sudden, they come across with a bunch 2 legged species. Everyone comes to an agreement and decide "ya, these species looks easy to rule over" so some of them descend down onto Earth making them appear as if they were born from the sky. The cats teach humans about math and sciences to create the great pyramids and sculptures of cat gods in return. Eventually, cats and humans realize the power of friend ship and the cats that are on Earth become domesticated and therefore lose their knowledge and evolve into what we deem as a pet cat. This may be a result of the cats becoming more reliant on humans to survive on Earth/them being too lazy to do shit when you humans that will do everything for you. It's been 5000 years later and the cats in space are wondering how to save their fellow feline friends back from human influence. So their solution is to send a couple more cats back down to Earth and meet up with domesticated cats in urban alleyways to convince them to come back to them. All of this is obviously a lot of hard work as they also have to act like normal acts around humans. It may also be possible rabies is actually a gene only found in alien cats and is spread via fangs. Unfortunate their plans may have gone wrong as they accidentally infected other living animals on Earth.


Ethan_Black

Seriously they act so suspicious for nothing sometimes XD especially in groups. Did you see these photos of group of cats like in circles big being surprised by the cameras ? It looks lovely ke they are planning something’s so suspicious XD


Lore-master

I immediately thought cats, too, but then I realised... The answer is obviously DOGS! Think about it. Cats are much more known to be aloof and do their own thing. Dogs are super people-orientated, always around their humans, etc etc. Also, dogs get taken so many places, whereas it's uncommon to say, take your cat to the park. Dogs have ample spying opportunities in dozens of different scenarios. Cats, not so much. Dogs are the perfect alien spies. Friendly, get taken to lots of places, hugely popular. And slipping *completely under the radar*. I feel like I've said too much. Woof.


Jenova66

How many dogs have been in the White House, or Downing Street, or the Kremlin? They have access to everything.


Dyldor

Downing Street has a resident cat who is officially it’s mouse/rat catcher… permanently in place, and replaced when it’s time to move on


shablausis

You didn’t see a cat because you weren’t supposed to, it’s all part of their game man


exfxgx

It's gotta be dogs. I almost think the tagline "Man's best friend" was something conjured up by the Aliens' Marketing department.


OutlyingPlasma

It's not even true. A cat doesn't go around telling the police where the weed is hidden.


Raptor5150

Cats are observers. The times I've caught mine staring at me doing shit trying to figure it out is too damn high.


ForwardSpinach

Oh. This makes sense. Staring at nothing in a corner = communicating with the mothership.


carelessOpinions

It's true! I've had several dogs and one of them (the poodle) confessed the whole story in surprisingly easy to interpret pantomime one time when I was stoned. I didn't think to ask any questions. He never brought it up again.


shablausis

Ok you need to provide some hard evidence otherwise you are clearly a cat ally


[deleted]

I came here to make sure cats had been mentioned and I'm totally on team "dogs are aliens" now.


shablausis

Cats are playing this hustle since the ancient Egypt, they always come close to world domination but always fail


[deleted]

Or are cats just really good at ruling from the shadows? Why rule with an iron fist when you can have servants who will gladly cater to your every whim?


gambit_-

Zuckerberg


Icalasari

They said animal, not parasitic bacteria


rttr123

Even my town was against him moving in. And it’s like 70% engineers with a grad degree, who worship the tech industry.


ilikeeatingbrains

If you don't accept his friend request, his wife turns one of their cloned pet dogs to stone.


Dr-Shlong-

Raccoons


DownWithCollege

Mosquitoes


Mediocre_Essay8063

This is my vote. They're everywhere, collect blood samples, and serve no unique purpose in the food chain.


2020won

And they sure are brave being a 1 hp creature.


Drakmanka

That's because their Dexterity and Agility stats are off the charts.


DrunkCricket1

The mosquitoes are fast but my hand is faster


UrGoing2get_hop_ons

There's gotta be a better way to say that.


UncleToast420

I pass by your room's window and glance, your hand sure can be fast when in the right mood


Restless_Fenrir

An odd green alien in intergalactic government middle management: "Yeah. We've been using the planet to rebuild the mosquito population, which need I remind you, is an endangered species!"


Leog2474

Flat worms,theses guys can regrow their whole body and are only weak to radiation,but they can recover with a transplant


Actedpie

Excuse me? These exist? Huh


randomFrenchDeadbeat

Cats. They can go everywhere as soon as you do not watch them, and supposedly have a skeleton but can clearly act like they do not. They can act cute for mission's sake, but again they will show their true color when you are not watching, by probing your home for hidden stuff, or hiding stuff. They will also test your favorite stuff with chemical experiment (by peeing on it) and physical assessment with their claws and teeth. If needed they can even fight bears, and win, as shown on another sub. At that point, would it really be a discovery though ? I thought everyone knew cats were aliens spying on us. ​ edit: wow thanks for the upvotes and rewards, i didn't think it would attrack that much attention :)


Nroke1

The problem I have with this is that cats make perfect sense from an evolutionary standpoint, 4 limbs, tail that is effective for balance, a hyper-mobile spine, canine teeth, musk glands, retractable claws, they fit in perfectly with the smaller felines. Then joining humans also makes perfect sense, “this thing makes food that attracts our food and they like us eating our food that eats our food, we’ll hang around them.”


throatchakra

Came here to say this… also they appear to be able to see things in other dimensions (cat staring at wall for hours or suddenly tearing around the house for no obvious reason)


barbaramillicent

Cats, obviously. They’ve taken over human homes everywhere, often have mysterious “oh I just found him!” origins, and were clearly worshipped by the Egyptians after building their pyramids for them.


CatumEntanglement

r/catsarealiens


AN1M3HIF

Owls


sickofants

I think this thread was started by a cat to see if we're wise to them.


Brewer_Matt

Capybaras


young_fire

i'd have to agree. baby capybaras look like someone went "uhh fuck we need a baby version. just... make it smaller ig. it's good enough, they won't notice a thing."