T O P

UPDATE: MY STOLEN CACTUS WAS RETURNED! With a note! Spikey Bastard was such a jerk that the thief brought him back to me!

UPDATE: MY STOLEN CACTUS WAS RETURNED! With a note! Spikey Bastard was such a jerk that the thief brought him back to me!

notochord

I went out to walk my dog this morning and found quite the surprise! Spikey Bastard found his way home! Not sure what happened to the replacement cactus that showed up last week but am happy to be reunited with my ornery green friend. He’s been relocated away from the sidewalk and I took the sign down.


lunarblossoms

Wait, the replacement is missing now?


notochord

Yeah! I have no idea what happened to it. It’s been a weird few days over here. I didn’t manage to bolt the replacement down in time due to the heat wave. Now Spikey Bastard is back and the replacement is MIA.


lunarblossoms

Well this ended up to be quite the story


ReubenZWeiner

I hope they find the prick


GeneticImprobability

I hope they can make the charge stick!


pdxp2b

Been a spike in these types of cases.


Snushine

You'll have to turn this into a children's book: "The Adventures of Spikey Bastard."


kiddeternity

I would read that book.


Verite_Rendition

Get Mike Bennett (the plywood art guy) to illustrate it, and you'll have an instant classic on your hands.


kiddeternity

Kickstart THAT!


suchathrill

I would pay money for that book.


artsyleaf

maybe the original thief wanted to try their hand at a different variety?!


islandorisntland

That's my thinking...


Janethemane

Then I hope Replacement Cactus pricks them too! This asshole needs to buy their own fucking cactus.


mage2k

I think someone is messing with you.


notochord

I feel very messed-with. Also my parents are visiting town so that adds to the level of weird around the house:


vineswinga11111

Suspect one and Suspect two.


meester_pink

When I was a kid me and my friends stole some stone mushroom lawn ornaments and painted them like super mario mushrooms and put them back.


mashley503

It’s every POWs first duty to try and escape enemy confinement. Spikey Bastard, welcome home.


notochord

SB says “neither kidnapping nor heatwave will keep me from inflicting glochids on all who cross my path!”


PoliticalComplex

This is peak Portland, I love it.


notochord

Glad to share it. It’s been a wild ride


HybridVeneer

Maybe you will start getting pics or posts of one or both cacti adventures!


ZorraZilch

That would be awesome. Kinda like the garden gnome in Amelie.


Blah12821

That’s highly amusing.


notochord

Yeah! The replacement was replaced with the original before I could get out and bolt the replacement down. Nuts!


_liminal_

Omg this is a crazy resolution!!!


DuckDrunkLove

Yes, some would say unbelievable. As we all know, thieves are notorious for returning what they stole along with a quirky note.


_liminal_

did they apologize for the theft?


notochord

Not exactly. But they did say they regretted being pricked with the glochids


_liminal_

😂


Urithiru

2nd and 3rd images are the note. Not quite an apology but there seems to be regret.


dabokey

It's like when Becky Conner on *Roseanne* was replaced and then the original returned.


beaudebonair

Awwww I love this, your cute lil sign worked, and I am sure he might be a Redditor and felt shame, which is great! You lost a cactus and gained 2 back lol, worked out for ya nicely! :D


notochord

Thanks! I’m so glad to get the original cactus back but now the replacement cactus is missing. It’s such a crazy world!


oooortclouuud

same person maybe? and, SB really is a cool-looking cactus. this has been a wild ride!


64557175

Bold of you to assume a Redditor could feel shame.


weetwoozy

I love that you got your cactus back! I especially love that this person realized their mistake and corrected it. I'm a sucker for personal growth!


sinornithosaurus1000

I like how they stretched out “was a valuable lesson in responsibility.” I suppose they had the hindsight to know that it taught them nothing but to not lay on a cacti lol


BataleonRider

I feel like they learned the wrong lesson...


notochord

… steal less painful cacti?


Juhnelle

I feel like there's a children's book in here somewhere.


JadedFlower88

So Awesome! Glad you got your cactus back!


notochord

Thanks!


Te_Quiero_Puta

Aw. This made my day. What a rollercoaster.


notochord

I’m glad it made your day! I hope that the MIA replacement cactus is happy… wherever it is


Megamagicals

Prodigal cactus 🤪 He must also read the Bible


occams_lasercutter

Spike looks road weary after his adventures.


notochord

All in a day’s work for Spikey Bastard: survive month-long kidnapping and historic heatwave


lpmagic

you can't tell us you got a note and not read it to us.........., that's like letting us watch 12 episodes and not allowing 13 to air.....


aburton333

Swipe right on the picture. The note is there.


DuckDrunkLove

/r/thathappened


h0vercrux

r/nothingeverhappens


Icy_Ad_9202

Yeah this shit is totally fake, a much larger attention post agrees with you


DuckDrunkLove

Link to post? I wanna see that


AAtriel

It is a very cute note and cactus! But the handwriting on your sign and the handwriting of the note are the same!


notochord

They’re similar all caps writing styles. Mine is more sharp and their’s is more slanted.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GiveMeYourBestLine

(Swipe right)


[deleted]

Huzzah! 🌵🌵🌵


some_strange_circus

I have to say, I am just extremely invested in the adventures of these cacti. Dead serious.


MarGoPro

Omg i was following along on r/cactus! Glad he's back home!


notochord

Aww! It’s been such a weird saga! I’ve learned not to leave potted plants outside anymore. Still curious about what happened to the replacement cactus and which one of my neighbors was holding SB hostage for the past month.


WarpedGenius

I was a great sign - skillfully done!


b0ghag

So glad to see a happy ending to this one!


mvl

Yay — Some good news!