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/r/insaneparents discussed if it's grooming for a 17 year old to date a 13 year old.

/r/insaneparents discussed if it's grooming for a 17 year old to date a 13 year old.

Vinniam

Imagine being 17 and dating a 13 year old. Yeah it's grooming.


sirtaptap

Yeah that's a junior/senior in high school dating a 7th/8th grader, jesus christ


Call_Me_Clark

“You’re really mature for your age” is code for “I am unable to function among my peers”


Dracoknight256

We used to call it the 'teenage pregnancy special' among my peers in HS, since it usually ended with the older one convincing younger one anticonception is unnecessary and either a 14 y-o father or the girl popping out a baby in middle school. We might've been a bit jaded after one of our primary school classmates popped out a baby in first year of middle school after she hooked up with a 2nd year highschooler though.


HamiltonHoward

Certainly a gross gap. Even one less year would be bad. Even 13 and 15 feels a little weird to me


Kalse1229

There's an old rule of thumb some people use. They call it "Half + Seven." As the name implies, it's the idea that the youngest someone should date is half their own age plus seven years. For example, half of 18 is 9, and 9+7=16. Ergo, 18 year olds shouldn't date anyone younger than 16. Obviously it's not a perfect system, but it gives an idea of what is and isn't an appropriate age gap.


Reddit-User-3000

90 and 52 still seems creepy to me.


Maximus125

> Obviously it's not a perfect system


GrannyRammer

How is that creepy? They are both adults and (hopefully) are mature enough to make good decisions. You’re 10000% the kind of people that hate things like a certain orange man and have no reason to.


BGgungame

I wouldn't call it creepy, but definitely questionable. The chances the 50 yo is with the 90 yo for love and not some monetary gain are low. Also at that age the 90 yo is pretty helpless and dependent and may not be sound of mind too. It's a bit like a reversed 40 yo dating an 18 yo. Legally OK, but morally questionable.


Reddit-User-3000

Strange that you would assume I’m a trump supporter because I said a 40 year age gap is weird lol. Especially considering Trump is pretty old and apparently has affairs with young models. Anyhow, most 90 year olds are in nursing homes for a reason. Young people take advantage of older people all the time, mostly to get their money. If a 52 year old was dating a 90 year old people would definitely question the motive. With that being said it could definitely be a happy relationship, but for now good luck finding an example of a non-gold digger 40 year age gap


GrannyRammer

Might want to read that again buddy. I hope your intelligence isn’t the same as your reading skill.


Reddit-User-3000

“You’re 10000% the kind of people that hate things like a certain orange man and have no reason to.” Possibilities: 1: Implying that I hate things like trump does 2: Implying that I hate things including trump If you were going for option 2 you forgot a comma, so learn to write before criticizing my reading. If you were going for option 1 then what are you saying I misinterpreted? Not looking for an argument, just an explanation of wtf you are trying to say since you fail to get it out in your first two comments


GrannyRammer

Both instances would need a comma. If it was option one though, I would have to elaborate by saying “you hate things, like a certain orange man does,....” I clearly know how to write but you’re just one of those dumb people that think they win an argument when someone says “your” and not “you’re”. You were wrong in your original statement and wrong again. Bye.


Reddit-User-3000

Now you’re onto 3 comments and failed to make a single valid point. You say I misinterpreted your comment, but failed to provide a reason why, even agreeing that I understood what you were trying to say. Then you say “I clearly know how to write” while talking about having to decipher your sentence because you failed to punctuate it properly. So I’ll ask you again. What did I misinterpret?


Hatrisfan42069

Creepy on the 52 year old's part tho


HamiltonHoward

Lol as if everyone has not heard that rule before


Mildly_Brainless

Uuuuuuhhhhhhhh...


Reddit-User-3000

I’ve never heard of it


[deleted]

There's a couple of these gaps where, numerically, it doesn't seem like much, but I mean... 13 is prepubescent in some people, 15 is likely more developed. Same thing as a 23 year old dating, for example, a 17 year old. Someone who's been in the world for a few years and someone who, at best, is fresh out of high school? Not a good time.


B0B_22

If you aren't in the same stage of schooling (ie: both in HS) that's a pretty good gauge of whether or not it's creepy.


super_pax_

So a 14 year old freshman should date a 18 year old senior rather than a 13 year old 8th grader


B0B_22

Although I agree that 14-18 is worse than 13-14, it's probably more common/acceptable for a freshman to date a senior than for a freshman to date an eighth grader.


rokitup

cmon, are you serious??? thats 2 years


HamiltonHoward

I know and I wouldn’t like freak out but it feels weird


super_pax_

Why though?


HamiltonHoward

I think cus where I’m from that’s high school vs middle school


super_pax_

What about a one grade difference makes you feel weird?


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LitBastard

Asking a 17 year old for nudes is fucking creepy and illegal my dude


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LitBastard

You do know that it is consider child pornography if they send those right? And I'm not comparing anything.I said that asking a minor for nudes is creepy and illegal,which it is


rokitup

Would you call an 18 year old a creep for dating a 17 year old and engaging in sexual activities? Or just the nudes bit?


LitBastard

Depends.Is the 18 year old actively trying to get nudes?


AFallingWall

As an aside, my principal in H/S during an assembly gave a talk on sexual harassment. She went on to say that sexting under *17* is bad and implied that sexual harassment was only harassment if done more than once which some took as you can get away with copping a feel (or similar) if they only did it once


Amaurotica

bruh reditars telling you dating 18 as 23 is "gross" they just slap their own love failures at you telling you something they never had is "gross", thats a recurring certified classic on reddit threads about dating.


Cloberella

When I was a kid you could repeat grades until you were 21 and then you were forced out of High School. We had a guy who was a 21-year-old Junior dating a 14-year-old Freshman.


notPlancha

I agree that is grooming but we shouldn't appeal to intuition. The real argument is that it's abusing inexperience and power imbalances


Wrknman84

Well, if I were still a 13 yo male, I wouldn't have a problem if a 17 yo female wanted to date me.


Oranje_228

One of my best friends is 19 and he dates a 14 years old girl...I always troll him with the pedo and groomer jokes


Bigbewmistaken

Jesus mate, he shouldn't be your best friend and you should call the police. If my mate was fucking a 14 year old at 19 I'd knock him the fuck out and drag him to the station myself, being a nonce is disgusting shit. Your friend is a pedophile.


Oranje_228

He isn’t fucking her first of all (he knows that isn’t right to do) and im not snitching to police my childhood friend whom i know since kindergarten . He is not a bad guy


apaarmathur17

15 and 17 is fine but 13 and 17... That's too much man


Bootleather

Yeah even then it's a little creepy. But I get it. We literally force teenagers going through puberty into rooms with one another for 8 hours a day, some of which is unsupervised by adults and then act all surprised when Romeo and Juliet cases occur. While there are clearly lines to be drawn like this one the 1 to 2 year underage gap is just the sort of thing that happens. We all know people who were hooking up under 18 in high school and shit.


death_by_chocolate

"Where insanity, social media, and parenthood all collide." Well this sure sounds like an entertaining trainwreck.


celiacbulldog

It's one of those places like /r/entitledparents that's fully of fake stories unfortunately (albeit slightly less)


Vinniam

EM angry I won't have le sexy sex with her with my 16 inch penis, demands I give my nintendo switch® to their child when a police officer who looks suspiciously like keanu reeves fused with elon musk pulls up and shoots her 36 times in the chest then gives me 50 dollars. You know its 100 percent true since everyone did not in fact clap.


celiacbulldog

For a second there I was worried you would forget the switch. It's always a switch


Call_Me_Clark

Maybe it’s just me getting older, but when I read stories like these I sometimes get the impression that the posters are, themselves, also assholes. Kind of like watching movies and identifying more with the antagonists. Example: Rent. Synopsis: assholes don’t pay their rent, get evicted, the end.


[deleted]

> Synopsis: assholes don’t pay their rent, get evicted, the end. They *are* assholes, but Benny did promise them a year of free rent before going back on it and charging them for it all at once.


MiddleAgedGregg

I almost always side with the parents on that sub.


Call_Me_Clark

It’s a classic “shit Apple don’t fall far from the shit tree”


celiacbulldog

Wait, did you see *Rent* and feel bad for Benny? That's a take I'd never imagined seeing And totally. It's nice to know so many are fake, so some of those posters are trolls who know exactly what buttons to push (see: AITA, etc.)


[deleted]

> Wait, did you see Rent and feel bad for Benny? That's a take I'd never imagined seeing Not sure why since he was one of the two reasonable characters. One of them is a rich boy who's inner conflict is that his parents are too loving. One of them is a washed up musician who almost slept with a woman without telling her he has AIDS, which she also almost did. Another one is a serial adulterer and emotionally abuses anyone who's in a relationship with her. I guess there's Collins, but then Angel does a whole number about how she killed a dog. And then there's Joanne, who is another reasonable character. Idk, the characters aren't really likable and the show isn't very good.


Mr_Conductor_USA

That dog had it coming. And RENT is great. Great music, great characters, except rocker het boy's anthem near the end which was lame. Got the DVD and watched multiple times even though I mostly can't stand musicals and literally have to grit my teeth through them (like when I got dragged to somebody's HS play or made the mistake of watching "a classic!" on a date). But hey I do feel nostalgic about big city Northeast culture in the late 80s, I relate to the author's struggle with chronic illness (he died of Marfans Syndrome), I thought the way he humanized the struggle of HIV+ individuals against a hostile society in those years was really moving and maybe helped me process some of my emotions around it, and I totally related to Mark's awkwardness and complete trainwreck of a love life. I also think the cow going over the moon thing was brilliant satire. I had plenty of contact with those types in college. Cathartic. Well, not everyone has to like what I like. I'm sure some people think Oklahoma! and South Pacific are brilliant and necessary social commentary.


Call_Me_Clark

Well obviously they’re likeable characters, otherwise the story wouldn’t work. And not feel bad for Benny he’s the antagonist but a good part of me was like “this was an inherently unsustainable lifestyle and I don’t know why any of y’all are surprised that this is happening”


tardis0

I used to be a moderator on insaneparents, I don't get how people can moderate even one sub, it's a ton of work, yet I see some people with 200 subs under their belt, it's insane.


Veldron

Can't wait for the pedo apologists to come try brigade this one too. Sickening.


LeatherHog

Was arguing with a guy who dated an 18 year old at 40 That may be technically an adult but Jesus


reverbiscrap

So long as the relationship is healthy and respectful, what is the issue. No no, actually explain with logic and statistics to support your position.


tint-of-green

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3706999/ Ties between large age gaps and intimate partner violence. Females are far more likely to be physically abused if their partner is significantly older than them. The power dynamic is not balanced between an 18 year old just-out-of-college and a 40 year old who has lived most of a life, and that attracts both young people without knowledge of healthy relationships, and old people pursuing relationships where they are more dominant and control than they could be in a partnership of equals. Is it illegal? No. Is it extremely *questionable* why a middle aged grown adult would be seeking vulnerable young adults to date? Yes. Yes, abso-fucking-lutely it would be. I appreciate that you’re likely 13 and not able to comprehend quite how concerning the mental image of your kid dating someone over twice her age is. Trust me, when you have children of your own, you’ll get it.


reverbiscrap

Ignoring that ipv is more often bidirectional than not, your reliance on adhominem attacks is so typical on reddit I really shouldn't expect better. You also ignored my post. I said if the relationship is healthy, what is the issue; you immediately assert ANY relationship with an age gap is unhealthy, something patently unprovable considering such relationships are common around the world, in any culture you care to name. Unless you are asserting that every cultures' interactions between men and women are inherently toxic?


GMMoira

Theres been an influx of this stuff in this sub lately


Veldron

Yup, ever since it came out that that republican raped a 14 year old when he was ~~17~~18. Like i said, sickening.


The_BadJuju

He was 18 actually


Izanagi3462

Uhhh, yes. Yes it is. One of them is in high school and the other is barely hitting puberty.


PsychologicalPin1513

When I was 14 I dated a 17 year old. He's my horror story. He's _that_ ex that left me with nicknames that make me wince and memories I'd rather go without. Kids are dumb and make dumb decisions, help them not to make ones that are outstandingly so.


peanutbutterismylife

Same. I was not ready for that kind of relationship, and definitely not ready for sex at that age. It screwed me up for a long time afterward.


rokitup

yeah this is pushing it,,,


Soft-Treacle-539

Yes


samdc1985

That’s why since forever kids are having kids, dude Ive been friends with since high school had a kid at 15 and is now a grandfather at 31. Prolly be a great grandfather at 44..


Reddit-User-3000

My friend was an uncle when he was 0. Great uncle by 8.


SNPowers86

That 17 year would be in deep shit with the 13 year olds Dad, as would the 17 year olds father for being a POS to allow that


InvaderDJ

The only justification I could see for this would be if the 13 year old was a freshman (which could be possible) and the 17 year old was a junior or senior. Still weird, but high school is a weird time where you have people just entering puberty with people who are near the tail end. And freshman and juniors or seniors dating isn’t that unusual. But given the fact the posts are deleted, and that it fails the “your age divided by two plus seven” rule I’m assuming there’s more to it.


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hellomondays

Grooming isnt a legal thing, it's a moral thing so romeo and juliet laws dont really mean much here.


tint-of-green

Ghch