A wee kid at the off-licence threatened to let my tires down I'd I don't buy him cider. I walked to the off-licence

A wee kid at the off-licence threatened to let my tires down I'd I don't buy him cider. I walked to the off-licence


How do you get your shirt so clean mate?


Oi, clean shirt


Give us your wallet, give us your phone


Can I have my blackberry back?!


Ask for it again, but like a lady, in a ladies voice


Oi, paedo!!!


"You are not a paedo. " "You are definitely not a paedo."


Or an incredibly hard to detect pedo


I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who thought of this immediately


Nope many of use went there because at heart we are all David Mitchell.


O A Paedo


Vanish 👍


*“I’ll let your tyres down Mr”* *”What, like your dad let you down?”*


"I've never met my Dad Mr."


"Your lucky Dad."


"but he died of ligma Mr"


Must've caught it from ur mum.


"i havent seen my mother neither Mr"


Last time I had this experience I came back with the classic, "I know you're mum and dad". They legged it.


Why were your parents asking you to buy them cider?


Why did your mum and dad leg it? So confused right now.


Still ignoring parental responsibility at this age? Horrible.


The classic Irish response.


Did you have an accident and they asked if you knew them after the trauma?


I’m American moving to England in 4 weeks, read this to my British boyfriend and he had a laugh. New thing we are saying when mad at each other 😂


Just remember queuing is serious here. Don't fuck with it and you'll be fine


Honestly your queues confused me when I went last, but I got the idea haha


What do they do where you are? All just surge forward in an unruly mass, regardless of who was there first?


I went to England to see my bf for the first time in December 2020 right before lockdown hit. We went to Primark, right after Christmas. I was very confused that you guys queue away from the tills and then wait for one to become available compared to in America lining up right at the tills. But I found out that not every store is like that haha


Ah, I see. To be quite honest, queues are quite dynamic things and it probably depends a lot on the first people in it how it forms. Then you have bars, which rarely have a queuing system unless it's a posh wedding or, again, some people start that early on and everyone kinda follows.


Ah so the one big queue feeding into multiple tills? It's actually much more efficient in most cases and stops that did-I-choose-the-wrong-one self doubt and regret


I see how it can be more efficient but it was just weird as in America I’ve never seen it. But it seemed to take up more space than just queuing behind the till? The line was wrapping around the store so shopping was hard. In America if a till clears while you’re in line for another they will call you over to their line


This is a weird thing that varies where you go here tbh. What you describe is true for clothing shops (and most shops), yet supermarkets follow the individual queue per checkout rule for some reason. The latter is way more stressful somehow, although I do always have a mini panic of "is there a till available that I haven't seen but everyone else has and because I'm head of the queue am holding *everyone* up?!"


Nah I’ve never had that problem haha in America it’s normal for people to take their sweet ass time


We queue both ways, I think it depends on the size of the shop and how many tills there are.


Good Luck. You are my antithesis. I was a British boy moving to the US, 21 years ago to be with my American fiancée. Still here and still with her.


Thank you! Our 2 year anniversary is the 21 of this month and have plans to marry in the next couple years! Things are a bit rocky rn because of the stress of the move + some other personal things but it seems that we will pull though


Blessings to you. The Brits will love you because of your accent and typically will want to know all about you. I am originally from Wales, so my accent is a little different, that most Americans cannot place. I have been labeled Australian, New Zealand, Scots, Irish, South African but as I don't speak with a typical English accent, it flummoxes people. If you ever take a bus in Wales be prepared to share your life story with the lady sitting near you.


Haha can’t Wait! I’ll be living in very southern Dorset and have already had people comment on my accent and want to hear about my life! Also had a drunk polish man ask where to find a pub on my first day in town and on my second visit a homeless man ask me for a fag and then tell me he saved a girl like me (alternative) from being raped before 🙃


Dorset. Haven't traveled there much other than Weymouth to get the ferry to Cherbourg. From what I understand it is a nice part of England with a rich history that goes back millennia. If.you are in the South the coast is really pretty. Stereotypically speaking either folks are posh ( an ex girlfriend had a neighboring colleague from Poole) or they are the English equivalent of rednecks. Fortunately, few pickups and guns.


Haha, he’s I’ll be living in Poole. More chads than I expected




Very lovely place however, just waiting on my visa to be approved and I’ll be there!


Good Luck. Its 12:37 am in Virginia. So Good Night.


Sorry, 21st of this month. 21 of this month makes no grammatical sense. I always cringe when I hear movie trailers saying “Coming September Five”, rather than Fifth of September, or even September Fifth.


My apologies I had just gotten off work


“You want me to keep an eye on your motor while you go into that shop mister?” “No thanks sonny,my Rottweiler is on the back seat, best car security ever”. “Puts out fucking fires does it?”




I love your tyreless dedication to keep inadvertent Americanisms off this sub




Redeemed! “Sorry” was the correct British response. I say it even when I’m the victim… you just rammed your trolly into my ankles… Me: Sorry, but with a subvocal “tut”. If I’m really annoyed I’ll say sorry like it’s a square go


What about soz?


That works too to be honest, as would “most humblest apologies” or “Beg your pardon” or even “My bad” it’s the fact of the instant apology trigger ;)


Soz mate.


Someone who knows how to do it should make an Americanisms bot, to keep us all in check


Did he rip the soles off your shoes instead then?


Unless they know you or where you live how can they let down your tires? Unless they did it to the bus thinking you own it lol.




Autocorrect is a bitch


You want to be taking that cider money for yourself.


This sounds like it could be a scene from Peep Show.


Was his name Tiny Tim?


Chav is a new word. It didn't exist when I lived in the UK. My favorite new British word is Cockwomble. The Wombles were a kids show in the 70s. They lived on Wimbledon Common in London and recycled stuff. If you YouTube the Wombles there are episodes. I love having swear words that Americans don't use like " bollocks'"and. '"bloody".


I detest cockwomble. It's dumb, makes no sense and created by the "lol random" crowd. It's an immediate sign that they're boring and basic as water Also inb4 calling me a cockwomble as the same people who use it are also incredibly predictable.


*Don't say it ... don't say it ... don't say it ... don't say it ...* Cockwomble.


*Mr. Fitzherburt, Mr. Fitzherburt, Mr. Fitzherburt* Mr. Tits Pervert


Mr h. penis doesn't expect to be called a cockwomble? Oh the irony...


Once bought an 8 pack of Richmond sausages and told the little scrote they dont sell em in 20 packs. Wasnt an original idea, but when the opportunity presented itself I took it. Kept the change too.