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Wait until you discover the biting gnats. They show up about august.


Do y'all have biting flies, too? Those were fun in IL.


Horse flies.


Those mfs will target a single person and follow them until they’ve successfully torn down any amount of soul you have left.


Turn the tables and go on the offensive. Theyre big and slow and it feels great to kill one thats previously bitten you.


We used to destroy them in the pool. The bastards got a pretty mean bite but if you're quick enough you could take out a good amount.


Grab it and eat them, assert dominance


My dog does this. Flies, grasshoppers, bees, she'll eat them all (or try to).


Sky raisins!


I hate this tho


If they bite you enough do they turn into sky grapes?


Dude I have this horsefly in my apartment in Maine and it is the most evil creature in existence. I’ve spent 20 minutes trying to catch this fucking thing. It purposely buzzes by my ear when I’m sleeping. It’s spiteful, and I want it in bug hell.


I CANNOT go outside without 10-20 horse flies and I swear last year there weren't this bad! Also, are you excited for the 90°F weather coming up? :,)


No lol I’m a chef in a lodge built in 1929 with no AC so it’s gonna suck


Shit! Well definitely take luke warm/cool showers, plenty of water, fruit, and run your wrists under cold water when you're too hot! It's not great, but it's something. Frozen watermelon and grapes are pretty good and amazing for keeping cool and hydrated. I'm sure you know the drill but even though I've lived in Maine my whole life, I've never seen 90°+ weather in JUNE XD


And the humidity makes it so that your body can’t effectively cool itself because your sweat can’t evaporate. At least global warming isn’t real or we’d really be in for it, right guys?? …Right…?


Get one of those electric tennis raquet-like bug zappers. It'll be a quick job to zap em. No mess, no goop... Just a zap, and ... fly barbeque


The torment is you'll be a 15 year old suburban kid with your grandpa and some grown ups and you'll be the only one bit. They will think you're just a pansy.


They think they're hot shit but in reality *I am the hunter*. Theres a reason I've never been bitten by one of them. I'll kill them even if I have to do it with my bare hands


Maybe *your* horse does, but mine is way too fat.


Horse flies....they're a sonuvabitch


Half the time, I wanna leave California, and then the other half is when I realize the rest of the world is just as fucked, or it’s like Australia, and everything will hurt/kill you. I love the beach without worrying about flies that bite, or sand fleas or whatever you poor bastards have.


Every day I learn about new perks to living in Manhattan.


Try Ireland. There's no wildlife here that can kill you.


Drunk locals would beg to differ


[Nice try](https://images.app.goo.gl/VEF6Fmp8QxSJDM6m8)


I can’t go in the ocean anymore. I get ~~sand~~sea lice. California has their own weird shit.


Sea lice too, little bug like parasites all over in the water


…I meant sea lice. It’s the ocean. It’s sea lice. Why didn’t I catch that?


We're in WA now. So don't have to deal with that ourselves. We briefly considered moving to Georgie or South Carolina buutttttt....no thanks. Too many negatives.


I live in coastal SC. Don't do it, don't even think about it unless you've got a 6 figure job offer in hand to afford year round pest control. I'm not even on the marsh anymore and from April to September I am covered in bug bites. Don't even bother putting on bug spray, they don't care. The bugs will bite you if it's their dying breath.


I just signed a $60/month pest control contract...it's cheaper than what I'm paying for internet. Worth it to get rid of the fire ants.


That sounds expensive. I do my own, just spray some stuff around all the windows and doors twice a year and have no issues at all. Also get a bag of the granular ant poison and that will take care of any mounds in the yard after a few days. If you purchased the home, definitely make sure you have a termite service. It might not be included in your current plan. Those bastards will destroy your home.


Check out diatomaceous earth. It's cheap and and shreds the little bastards if they try to crawl over it


Where I live, the ants love honey, so we put DE earth and borax in honey and leave it out for the ants. The massive ant problem was solved in 3 days.


Dang. I’ve never heard of that stuff. It can do a little bit of everything. Thanks for the heads up.


Charleston, here. 100 yards from the Cooper. Mosquitos are controllable with a monthly spray. There is literally nothing that stops the no-see-ums.


I'm North Charleston, formerly Hilton Head marsh so I feel your pain on the no-see-ums


Nothing. Stops them. Nothing. No spray, lotion, bands, bracelets, or mosquito netting.


They're a lot like Ohio tourists in that respect lol


The ants are a problem here in myrtle beach. They invade my home like the gestapo and laugh at the concept of mercy.


I really enjoy coastal SC in the winter. Rarely drops below a very comfy 40 degrees, water still warm enough you can go surfing. The bugs are all dead. No one on the beaches and no tourists in the area. Of course, coastal SC in the summer is close to how I would describe hell.


Current seattlite here as well. Love the PNW


The worst insects we have in WA are the Tweekerious Amongus or Tweekers. They are attracted to anything worth value that isn't theirs and usually come out at night. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact. They can usually be found near gas stations, Wal-Marts, or McDonald's. They travel in swarms, usually packed into a multi colored Dodge Caravan or Ford Explorer. They don't bite because they lack teeth but they have been known to attack if threatened.


In Australia they have the box jelly fish and a realky tiny jellyfish and that tiny jelly fish is the most poisonus jellyfish in the word and both the jelly fish can kill you but the tiny will kill in 30 minutes


F*ck Australia! I want to visit but all I can think about is how much scarier the venomous things there are than here in TX.


In Germany, we have 0 Stuff that can kill you, except humans / allergys. No snakes, no spiders, no bears, no sharks .... nothing :D


Oh you're leaving Cali? Would you like rain 90% of the days, tornados, hurricanes, 120+ heat waves for several days or 5 foot snow storms? I'll take your earthquakes. We had one. It was neat.


Horse flys are the worst


We do. They typically have yellow bodies in the low country and are capable of piercing a single layer of clothing. The worst part is that they are attracted to wet or shiny things so they will tear you up on pool days. My mom always says they bore a hole to the bone. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deer_fly


As a native Californian who just traveled through Illinois, *fuck those flies*


Oh we got biting flies in California. They are just more toward our larger wilderness areas. Suprised me when I saw a fly tear a piece of flesh off me and make me bleed, like I was just a big ole hunk of steak for him. Suprised a swarm of them didn't just come and pick me clean.


Wtf - native Californian here - where was this? Why didn’t you swat the fly away before it could do that?


In Perris, there are horse flies about an inch or so long


Yea horse flies are no joke. They're disgustingly big, which makes swatting them kind of gross


Or the horse flys. Fuck those things. We don't have them in PA but my family in VA has them and they are annoying as all.holy hell


We vacationed in SC (from the west coast) one summer and my dramatic toddler started screaming when the flies landed on her. I kept trying to calm her down by reassuring her that flies aren't the same as bees when the little bastards started biting me too! Picked her up and we both jumped into the pool. Ridiculous.


Lived in SC my whole life, I hate bugs but can get past the biting gnats, horseflies, mosquitos, etc. What I can’t stand is those palmetto bug roaches that find their way into every house in the state. Huge and disgusting, and if you find one there’s a good chance it’s flying in your face when you try to kill it.


Just so you're aware we have poison sumac poison oak and poison ivy in this area of the country


Fleas, ticks, and you’ll need heart worm protection for your dog. Heart worms kill a lot of dogs slowly and painfully and the treatment is also slow and painful. The horse flys bite. The ticks can give you a disease and make you allergic to meat. Floods, possible hurricane fronts for Georgia? Tornados for sure. Did I miss anything? Gators?


The snakes. There are several different venomous snakes.


Sssooo I guess we know why real estate is cheap there, huh?


Wow all three?! How did you get so lucky??


And it's every fucking where. Grows in two seconds, and is usually mixed in with a thousand similar plants. If you ever wonder why it seems everywhere down here has at least a bit of yard gone to hell now you know why. Never mind the bugs and snakes and such. And you can also never kill any of the plants, unless you like chemicals strong enough to render your yard a post apocalyptic wasteland, want to pay for a lawn service to do it, or have enough room for goats or some such.


Would goats be able to live in your yard and eat the poisonous plants? Or do you have to protect goats from eating it?


I have never owned any but in my limited experience goats can eat anything. E: Google says yes, in fact they apparently love it.


Then you have the trouble of keeping the goats off your roof


Goats can and will do whatever the F they want


There’s a reason that the devil is depicted as one


And probably why the devil went down to Georgia


Dude, no idea if you’re being serious but holy shit that actually sounds kind of legit lol.


There are companies that will rent our their goats so they can clear out your yard.


Yes, they love it-just don't pet them after.


Who's a good boy? Who's a good BOY?? DADDY'S GOT HIS PETTING-STICK, YES HE DOES!


Goats freaking love poison ivy. Perkeson Park, the only full disc golf course inside the perimeter (ITP) had tons of overgrown areas, including copious amounts of poison ivy. Goats were unleashed within temporary fences, and they straight up eradicated the poison ivy. I was playing a hole near them and was shocked to see them chowing down on the devil's 3 leaf revenge. They really improved the course and looked adorably dopey while doing it. I really love goats now. They seemed to be happy, playful animals living the buffet life.


A lady runs a business in my area that brings goats over to clear out weeds like poison ivy


Fuck it... just nuke it all from orbit to be sure! CT here... I warned my neighbor that their the tree was covered in poison ivy when they bought the house. Did they listen? Nope! Did I watch them dance about scratching? Yep. Did I call the fire department when these miracles of brains decided to try to open fire that crap? Also Yes! Are they still mad at me? Yup.


Hey, this dumb plant that made us itch like hell... Instead of asking literally any questions about how to deal with it, let's just turn this wet, still-living plant absolutely SATURATED with an oily irritant into *smoke.*


Yeah, I've got a current bush of poison ivy next to my house, but it's a rental, so I can't be arsed to try to get rid of it.


We always very carefully ripped them up by their roots and never had an issue. You wear gloves, boots, long pants and long sleeves and you tape the sleeves over the gloves and the pants over your boots to make sure nothing gets on your skin. But yeah, we've never had poison ivy, oak, or sumac (and we've dealt with all 3 over the years) when we carefully dug them up by their roots.


The fun thing about poison ivy is that it takes on the characteristics of whatever plants it’s growing around, so it isn’t always easy to find.


I’m soooo glad I’m immune to it. Thanks Grandpa!


Basically everything awful in the United States lives in the south. All four venomous snakes can be found there, black widows and broken recluses, scorpions (if you include Texas). If it bites, stings, or causes an itch, the South has it.


Alabama boy here, I can confirm that we are USA's Australia. Brown Recluses are fucking AWFUL here


Count Texas or don’t; we have scorpions in Louisiana also.


Aussie here - stand by - we're sending you some [gympie gympie](https://youtu.be/mg-GLwJ8Emk) - aka the suicide plant. We couldn't leave you without the full set.


Welcome to the south




Your south is now also welcomed to the south.






Reminds me of when I (a botanist) managed to sit on poison oak because my field partner was scared of ants and wanted to sit somewhere there were no ants. Had one buttcheek two inches larger for a month.


No ants tho


Depending on whether or not you were in an area with fire ants, that might still be the preferable outcome.


Should've moved around in it until both were the same size.


People pay a lot for that look I guess


Y'all come back now, ya hear!


As another CA transplant in the South, welcome. Poison ivy is worse than poison oak, be forewarned. Giant hogweed can make you wish you were dead. And just wait for the thrips (AKA 'no-see-ums'): almost invisible, go through screens like they aren't there, and bite like a mofo. Oh, and last but not least, kudzu can cover your car over a 3 day weekend.


Don't forget about the stupid, friggin chiggers. Those bugs are the pests from hell.


You just listed all the reasons I moved back north


They just listed all the reasons we're staying in WA.


Hey fellow washingtonian. Stay cool during our heat wave


You too


No-see-'ems, AKA flying teeth! And fire ants are what hell wants to be when it grows up.


Probably poison ivy or hogweed. Poison sumac isn't likely to grow outside of swamps/wetlands. Unless you live in or near an area like that. Either way, that sucks, I'm sorry!


Things to know about living in Georgia.... Do outdoor stuff that does not include water in the early morning in the summer. Finish before 10am. Rivers, lakes and pools exist for the afternoons. Or naps. River floating is best in late July, August and early September as the water is cold. Don't be stupid and try to hike or play tennis or golf in the afternoon in the summer. It will be miserable. Find some water or AC and stay there. Fall runs from a couple of days scattered through October and starts in earnest in November. Winter starts in Late Feb/March. December and January vary year to year. All Christmas and Easter wear needs to be short sleeved with a sweater over it because sometimes it is 70ish and sometimes it is 20. Spring is spectacular and can arrive anytime between February and April. and will last anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of months. Temperature is relative to humidity. If you have curly hair adopt a natural look because resistance is futile. All outdoor activities are year round. Except for summer afternoons. Always carry a cardigan. It is winter inside most buildings since AC was invented. Never put your hands or feet in places you can't see. Ever. And it doesn't hurt to shake out your shoes before you put them on. Always do lots and lots of sunscreen and bug spray. And take it with you to refresh it. It rains every afternoon often. That is naptime. Otherwise do not let it deter your plans. It is a pretty day before and after. And as you have already learned, don't touch plants you don't know without protection.


You forgot the pollen and ice storms


Great point. Pollen season can begin just in time for an ice storm to roll in. But the pollen will resume in full force as soon as the ice has melted


Things to know about the south: 1) Don't go outside in the summer. If its not the heat, its the bugs. If its not the heat or bugs its the plants. Usually, though, its all 3.


No one has mentioned YELLOW JACKETS. not the Georgia Tech mascot but the ground wasps. Fierce, aggressive, numerous and multiple stingers. Enjoy!


Be me Out in the heat for 9 hours digging a trench to lay a concrete foundation Finally done Rinsing cement out of wheelbarrow Dump all that water Right onto a hidden yellow jacket nest Fuckers swarm me Everything south of my nuts feels like it’s burning in Hell


Don't forget to stay away from standing water after it's been 90°+ for awhile, brain eating amoeba.


Sounds like a shitty place to live when you put it like that.


every year my wife gets her garden ready every year she gets poison ivy she knows where it is, i've show her (grows in practically overnight through a fence on the neighbor's property) EVERY YEAR SHE GETS POISON IVY


Sometimes the allure of the forbidden leaf...is just too much 😫


Be aware, your dog can also get covered in urishol and then you pet the dog and then you have the rash. I have been highly allergic my whole life. Now I barely go outside in the summer but my nice, slick furred, pit/lab mix does go out. And after a couple of years of getting the rash and never touching anything green and growing outside, I realized my sweet dog was trying to kill me. Now, I pet her and immediately wash my hands. I don’t wear shorts around her. I also had a similar experience to yours when I was a kid. We were camping. I found a bush to use as a bathroom…so so sorry you are having to deal with this.


Was scared to click on the link seeing as it was nsfw and you mentioned where your rash was.


Subscribe to my Onlyfans to see my poison sumac snatch!!!


I have never subscribed to an onlyfans before, but if you're dedicated enough to keep applying posion sumac to yourself to keep the content flowing I just might have to subscribe. Gotta reward the hard work and dedication.


There is sadism. And there is madness. You might be on the wrong side of the slash here?


Wrong side of the.... gash?


"If you build it, they will come."


Who gave this a Wholesome Award?!


Watch your inbox blow up


Yeah, can’t give that away for free now


I desperately hope that is not a real fetish.




Staying blue on the off chance it is a real sub Reddit.


I took the hit. It’s real :(


You poor soul, sacrificing yourself for us






I was scared, then relieved, then weirdly disappointed.


I was hugely disappointed


This is why I wear long pants and sleeves while working outside. If I am in vegetation I use gloves and boots and take all clothes off before washing hands/forearms outside and then showering well. In my area we have chiggers, and those nasty things are frightening. The biting flies and mosquitoes are horrible too. Good luck with the south, at least it's nice here in winter.


Chiggers are the absolute worst! I only get bitten by them and nothing else, and they itch like Satan's balls. I once helped weed a garden for a few hours, and my dumbass though crouching down and doing it would be smart. Three slav squatting hours later and the entire hip to knee was just fill of chigger bites. This is a TMI, but my ballsack looked like someone had blown bubbles all over it, but those bubbles were all bite lumps. God damn is peppermint oil a lifesaver. Edit: why is a comment about my ballsack being lumpy getting more upvote than any other comments I make? Edit 2: Why am I still getting upvotes? Thank you guys but it's just my lumpy sack, it's not that interesting I swear.


Yeah! That sounds awful. I sometimes use a peppermint soap from Dr. Bronner's or something similar. It also helps you feel refreshed as well.


The friends mom Who I was helping had some of that essential oil stuff, so I just took that and dumped on my balls in the bathroom. It was so relieving I wanted to cry.


Hi!! I can help with this. I am violently allergic to the poison plants. As a child, I had poison sumac on my legs quite badly. Had poison Ivy on my face as young adult In fact, I just had poison Ivy on my face, neck, chest and a few other places. First-steroids. The shot and script for oral ones Second-TecNu scrub from Amazon. Get the 10 ounce version, you’ll need it. Buy 2 at least. This is worth its weight in gold. Literally works instantly. Tecnu Extreme Poison Ivy & Oak Scrub, Removes Poisonous Plant Oils That Cause Rash and Itching, 10 Ounces https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07R3SK1CQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_VGG7S501V0Q1XMBA7QRX?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 Third- epsom salt or sea salt, this will dry out that crap. Soak at least twice a day. I also scrub with it still. Fourth- benedryl cream, spray (it can burn though) hydrocortisone Also...I scrub with the epsom salt in the shower..when rinsed off, if there are any open spots, it will burn like hellfire for about 30’seconds. This means it’s working and will get better as things heal. Lower the temp on the shower which will help


Can confirm Tecnu soap is the best




TecNu works, but I'd actually recommend a grease-cutting dish soap like Dawn. Regardless of what you use, the most important part of preventing poison ivy is using enough friction to get it off, and washing/wiping off *thoroughly*. [Here's an excellent video that uses axle grease to represent urushiol](https://youtu.be/4oyoDRHpQK0). I got poison ivy for the first time a few months back (apparently 31 was the age that my body decided to be violently allergic to it despite never having a reaction before that), and I've done this every time I even think I've come in contact with poison ivy since then after being outdoors (throwing bad shots in disc golf will bring you into contact way more than you'd think haha). There have been two times since then that I definitely accidentally stepped into a vine though, and each time I managed to avoid having any reaction because I was able to clean myself off within an hour or two.


This guy has it. Dawn or another heavy duty hand degreaser (Like gojo) is the way to go with this oil based disaster.


My new go-tos ... Zanfel and the saline nasal mist.. spray the areas a hundred times a day if you want! ...nothing I've tried has worked faster tbh!


Zanfel is the only thing that works for me AFTER a breakout has started. It doesn’t shut it down completely but it knocks out most of the itching and starts the rash recovery much quicker. Stupid expensive, totally worth it. There used to be a generic, it got shut down. “Mean Green” hand scrub is the closest alternative, orders of magnitude cheaper, not quite as effective, but I keep a tub on hand anyway.


Never heard of it until a few weeks ago when my mom bought it after I got into some poison ivy, but TecNu is a LIFESAVER within minutes of using it the itching had subsided and the rash had yet to appear


Might want to keep an eye out for giant hogweed too. Easily mistakable for queen Ann’s lace/wild carrots…only you really don’t want to touch it.


I never approach anything that looks like Queen Anne’s Lace in the wild for this very reason. Giant Hogweed can go to hell.


Water hemlock looks kinda similar as well iirc, most poisonous plants in North America. Though you'd have to eat it to kill you I think.


Have you heard of fire ants yet?


Yes!!! Exterminator will be here next week.


Good, get ahead of them if you can. Their bites are brutal, itch/weep for weeks and leave nasty scars.


Well, for what it’s worth, there’s a point right between dismal winter and blast-furnace summer where the weather’s actually pretty nice. Gotta enjoy it, though, since it only lasts around 12 1/2 minutes.


Yeah, except in El niño years where the weather gets bipolar. I lived in Sandy Springs for almost 10 years and this one year we had triple digit temps(or maybe heat index) in late april\early may but then in June, July, and August we had several weeks of nice weather with highs not going past 85 and lows in the 50s regularly. Nice cooling rainstorms every day or 2, but no crazy storms. At the same time my uncle in the Pacific northwest was dealing with high 90s and low 100s with drought conditions, then flooding. It was like our weather patterns had been switched and I will always remember it as my favorite summer in GA.


"like a DUMB SLUT" Fucking lost it, what a pisser.


Oh no, I'm so sorry! My cousin once drunkenly wiped her ass with a handful of nearby leaves...it was a massacre.


So sorry! Thank you for sharing your misery. I was visiting my Dad when my husband got poison ivy all over his “stamen.” He said it was grossly swollen and I begged for pictures! Told him to call his Dr. and get steroids. I cannot even imagine your discomfort even though I inserted an OB tampon after using icy/hot all over my husband’s back.


I gasped and threw my phone on the bed to collect myself at the thought of weeding in shorts and a crop top. NOOOOO! Check yourself before you wreck yourself! I am so sorry for your sad itchy existence. Hope the doctor’s appointment was only mildly traumatic.


But it's hot girl summer!!!


That’s with a sangria on your porch. Not weeding 😂☠️


Yeah, but... hot girl summer is for washing the car, the dog, sunbathing, walks, chilling with a cold drink, pool, lake or other water activities, etc. Weeding/yard work is covering up like a bee keeper so you can stay hot girl looking. Because you will be stirring up all the things that make you look.like swollen red mess... red itchy bumps from bug bites, scratches from all the random weeds with thorns, the poison plant rashes, sunburn (potentially with blisters and peeling), and if particularly lucky - a startled snake bite or a bunch of yellow jacket stings if you stir up a nest. The yellow jackets have nests in the ground and if you dig, mow, or pull up around the entrance - they will come out to sting in a coordinated group. You want protection from all this. Just cover up, sweat like crazy, hydrate often, do the yardwork, then take a nice shower and get into your hot girl outfit and sip a cold drink while looking at your awesome yard while letting your hair dry. (Which your hair could be it's own post. The southern humidity takes a whole new approach or else hair falls flat if you have fine straight hair and if you have curly hair can frizz up unless you take the advice of the curly girls. They have a system and their hair usually looks great.) Welcome to the South!


Right? Between poison oak/ivy, ants, mosquitos, biting gnats/flys, nettles, and chiggers I don't wear shorts to work in the yard unless I WANT to be miserable for a week


Do make sure you can identify poison ivy also. Poison sumac is comparatively rare compared to poison ivy. Also, pokeweed makes me swell up.


Tell-tale sign is “hairy” roots of the vines. [Google Images](https://www.google.com/search?q=hairy+poison+ivy&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&client=safari#imgrc=3KLZn-KJaQaPsM)




I did this when I bought my first house that had a wooded back yard. I pulled down dozens of those vines because I didn’t want them to choke the trees out or whatnot. I had a nice surprise the next day that lasted a couple weeks. Don’t feel bad for doing that as a kid. This dumbass grown ass man did the same thing!


>Also, pokeweed makes me swell up. Gotta catch em all!




You might also want to get your partner to check you over for ticks if you do much weeding without a lot of protective layers. Even if you do have protective layers it's probably a good idea to at least give yourself a once-over afterwards. Bastards can be sneaky.


I’m praying for your vagina 🙏🏼🙏🏼


When they prescribe you steroids make sure you make a run to the grocery store to stock up. You will be eating food like it’s going out of style and have no desire to stop. My body loves poison ivy/oak/sumac and I’ve gone through many steroid packs. Good luck!


PRO TIPS!! I have extreme sensitivity to urushiol! Coat your skin in products containing glycolic acid a few times a day… also lye, like in some of those callus/cuticle remover gels. It will help significantly to reduce and heal it faster. Can’t say it’s the greatest idea for your.. secret flower… but for the rest of the body, it works extremely well. Even coat the areas that haven’t broken out yet. If you’re super allergic like I am, I’ll have new trails and welts break out for up 10 days after I merely spoke the dreaded words poison Ivy/oak/sumac. Also take the clothes, gloves, shoes, etc and wash them on HOT, twice, with laundry detergent and borax for added measure. Good luck!!!


I would legitimately sell my soul to remove mosquitos from existence. Idk if it would fuck up the food chain, I'd rather some frogs die than be bitten by 50 billion God damn mosquitoes every waking summer day.


Imagine anoxic rivers clogged with algae and extinct fish populations. I hate them too but their larvae are voracious algae eaters and important food source for fish populations.


>In my defense, I saw a small spider in one of my gardening gloves. Understandable, have a nice day.


It’s days like this I’m thankful I have an immunity to sumac


The chosen one...


Oh. Oh no. I had a friend that did the dirty deed in the woods and she got the same way. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.


One of my buddies in Peace Corps had sex in a field and got a bot fly in his scrotum...absolutely horrifying.


I want to go back to a time before I pictured that in my head.


Recent transplant to NC here also dealing with a backyard full of mysterious plants. The south is full of green things that are trying to make you itch! I found an app called Seek (associated with iNaturalist) that has some crazy machine learning algorithm where you can scan a plant and instantly get an ID. It works really well, too! I now know what vines are Virginia Creeper, which are Chinese Wisteria (kill 'em all! but at least they aren't poison sumac like I first feared), etc. It's been really handy for distinguishing native plants from invasive weeds too. So maybe something consider trying when you brave the yard again.


Downloaded! Thanks so much.


Poison Ivy, Oak and Sumac I got poison oak ALL over my face once in like 4th grade just as summer vacation started. like ALL over, BAD. eyes swollen shut - back then the DR was like 'heres some ointment, don't touch it, it'll be over in a week or so' it was not a good start to summer "DONT PICK AT IT!" - My mom


you are the funniest, most unfortunate lesbian on Reddit today. good luck with your rashy snatch, my friend.


Raise your hand if you’re one of the 1/5 humans completely immune to poison ivy/oak/sumac.


I did the antibiotics for concurrent sinus infection for 2 months, now I can’t eat cow milk/cheese without it destroying me. Good luck with that. I ended up having surgery to help draining and now it just drains faster and all the time.


i'm not sure if another dumb story would help you feel a wee bit less silly, but i had an emergency poop 1 mile into a 9 mile run a couple summers ago, and quoting the line 'leaves of 3 leave them be', i picked from leaves of 3 that couldn't possibly be poison ivy (because i knew the saying), let out a pie a cow would marvel at, and continued to wipe with the leaves i'd picked. i like to take baths after i get back from runs, and i was not happy camper for a couple months after this. it was everywhere lol.


OP, considering your background in plants I assume you already know this but... as someone unfortunately very well experienced with urishol plants: anytime you do yard work go inside and take a thorough shower (within 2 hours of finishing the work, ideally). Use soap on a loofah. If you want a good example of how hard you need to scrub to get urishol off of your skin imagine how difficult it is to wash off oil from bike gears or from under the hood of a car. It does NOT come off simply by lathering soap on your skin. You need a degreaser (any soap, but specialized products are best) and some real abrasion (loofah works great IMO).


When I did field work in CA I'd bring alcohol wipes with me and wipe down my skin as soon as I got back to the car, only had one reaction in the 30 years I lived there.


I really hope you've seen the other mentions of it in here but make sure you know to look out for eastern poison oak, and poison ivy as well; as both of those can grow down in Georgia as well.


Get Tecnu and liberally slather it all over you after yard work. My wife is sensitive to poison ivy,oak,sumac, all that crap. We keep a bottle in each shower.


Okay, so touching it is bad. Don’t ever burn it! Sumac will produce oily smoke that can blister your lungs and fill them with fluid.


Can you please write a book like a DUMB SLUT <3


I’m so sorry OP. I am eternally grateful to not be allergic to sumac. The rest of my family, unfortunately cannot say the same.


Welcome to Georgia! We have several rash inducing plants, seed ticks, and no-see-ums. In summer the humidity will make you think you are breathing through a wet blanket! Have you thought about teaching? We have a shortage of science teachers and you could do an alternative certification program and have a job in the fall.


Oh, you poor poor thing! I'd be sitting in a [bath](http://imgur.com/gallery/WXkobmz) of calamine lotion right now.


Female Benedict Cumberbatch? So you must be gorgeous!


Sorry about your Subaru


This is nightmares. I remember stepping in a ant hill as a child and thought I was going to die. Watch out for those red ants. Oh and have fun with the flying cockroaches


Incredible timing, we JUST signed up for fire ant extermination. Starting on Tuesday, and they'll be by every month for the next year. I'm super lucky in that bug bites / stings other than mosquitoes don't really affect me.